RELATIONSHIP REPAIR

Step-by-Step Part 3: "Purpose"

Let’s discuss that first point openly and honestly. Suppose you’re in a committed relationship where you verbalize love and care for another person. In that case, you’ve expressed a commitment to share information and/or elements about yourself you may have kept hidden from the world at large.

You may have shared with that person knowledge about yourself that no one, or perhaps few others, know. This is the person in your life you should and can be most open with, right? Here’s a common problem in troubled relationships. We withhold information about ourselves that the other person should know. Believe it or not, the most common reason for withholding pertinent information is, “I didn’t want to hurt their feelings.” WHAT?

We claim to ‘love’ them but can’t be honest because we don’t want to hurt their feelings. Are you kidding me? Let’s skip this craziness for now.

This is the one person we should be most open and honest with if we truly intend to repair the damage our relationship is experiencing. Both parties must agree to be honest in the future until the specific issue is resolved. If you and the other person commit to this initial honesty, your relationship can survive and possibly grow. The question becomes, do you value your relationship and its survival enough to be honest?

If you can’t, won’t, or refuse to be honest about your relationship issue, your struggle will likely continue. It will not go away. Even if the relationship ultimately fails, by taking this step of open and honest communication, you will have grown as an individual, and your future will have taken a giant step forward.

The other item to keep in mind is that both people must commit to going through all seven steps. Why? As with every growth process, it only succeeds if it’s completed. If those two weren’t enough, here’s the caveat: the seven steps do not replace professional help. Many couples are dealing with issues that may eventually require or need professional assistance. That’s just a fact. What if you don’t have the time, money, opportunity, or inclination right now for professional intervention?

These steps will get you started by providing a path and plan to examine and work through the problem or issue now. When you’re ready for professional guidance, these steps will prepare you. They’ll help bring the disruption you’ve been struggling with to the table. When you go to the professional, the foundations will be in place. The ‘issue’ will have been pre-established, and the seven steps will have shined a light on the elements of the problem. This will help your therapist or counselor get started more quickly.

Join me for Part 4, “Seven Steps.”