“Improve Your Relationships”

Part 2: Moment’s Pause

When I started to learn this ‘New Response’ process, I had no idea what my New Response should be.

Then I remembered a Jerry Seinfeld episode. Maybe you’ve seen it: George and Elaine go to dinner with Elaine’s friend and her husband.

During dinner, Elaine’s friend sneezes. There’s a pregnant pause, and finally, George says, “God bless you.” The entire premise of that episode evolves into Jerry saying at every awkward moment in any conversation, “You are so good-looking.”

When I started learning this process, I would say to myself whenever I mentally searched for a positive response. The voice in my head would whisper, “You are so good-looking.” This would give me a moment’s pause, which I needed to formulate a respectful response. So, before you say anything, before you respond, stop! Take a moment to think of a respectful response. Then answer. It’s easy to do if you give yourself that momentary respite.

Viktor Frankl, author of “Man’s Search for Meaning,” stated it this way: “Between stimulus and response, there’s a space. In that space, we have the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Here’s why growth and freedom from a New Response is so powerful. It can redefine, reinvent, or replace our ‘Old Pattern’ Behaviors. The more we use a New Response, the easier and more natural it becomes. So, the next time you’re tempted to spitfire with an automatic comeback. Stop! Tell yourself, ‘Respond Respectfully,’ and then answer.

Why is a ‘new response’ so important? Because our Old Pattern Behaviors and Old Pattern Responses keep us stuck. They keep us chained. They keep us shackled in a downward spiral. With Old Pattern Responses, nothing changes. We’ve used it before; they’ve heard it before. And the cycle of inappropriate responses continues. So, there’s no growth in our relationship.

A new response can start improving any relationship at home or work. So Stop, pause, think, and answer.

Join me next for Part 3 as I share the process of using “Experiential Growth.”