“Improve Your Relationships”

Part 4: Building New Responses

Experiential growth takes place in incremental steps, a step-by-step process that reduces the time between our responsive and reconciliation actions. A new, learned, and practiced response shortens the destructive nature of any situation every time. The power of a new response encouraged by practiced incremental growth allows us to reduce this elapsed time. Once we identify our part of the issue, frustration and anger can be controlled and reduced.

Does this take time? Yes. All behavioral change takes time. That’s just a fact. Inappropriate patterns of behavior don’t happen overnight. They won’t be changed overnight. Teaching ‘an old dog new tricks’ takes time, patience, and love. The same is true for us. Time, patience, and love are required.

If you’ve ever known anyone who battled addiction and used a twelve-step program, you know it takes time to change ingrained behaviors. We have a place to start when identifying our part of the issue.

Is this process difficult? Well, it can be at first. Keep in mind that behaviors and responses are choices. If you want to change your life, you have to realize you have the power to do so.

Your life. My life. Every life is about the choices we make. With every choice, there is a consequence, an outcome, a reward, or a fallout. The key question is, which outcome is in your best interest?

Will incremental time reduction steps reveal areas that need work? Yes. Experiential growth always has challenges. Looking at the hard stuff, admitting it exists, and realizing how to get through it reveals incremental steps are the key.

There’s no skill or activity in which you’ve said, “I’m going to try this, and voila,” you succeeded immediately. Every new response or attempt takes time and practice. Relationships are no different. When we accept challenges to grow, getting the template right takes a few times. By recognizing your part of ‘the issue,’ you may discover that at the core of your discontent is you.

When growth starts to take place, we realize it’s not the actions of others that make us angry. It’s being stuck in our old pattern of behavior. The actions of others may be a trigger, but our response, whatever it may be, whatever form it takes, is up to us.

So, our question becomes, “Are you willing to risk changing your old pattern responses or behaviors for new, respectful ones?” Whatever form your punishment now takes silent mode or something else, if reducing the time between your response and your reconciliation is incremental and consistent, growth occurs, relationships improve, and lives are changed. The next time your ‘issue’ comes up, “Don’t Demean, Respond Respectfully.” Reflect on your part of the problem honestly.

There you have it- “New Response, Time Reduction, Take Responsibility.” Three keys for improving relationship growth at home or work. Start using these today for better relationships tomorrow.

Thanks for joining me for this Quick-Read series, “Improve Your Relationships.”