“Improve Your Relationships”

Part 1: Have, Keep, Build

The question is not whether people want better relationships—of course, they do! The question is whether they will change how they respond to those in their relationships to have, keep, and build those connections. Or not?

Sadly, for many, the answer is No. Why?

They don’t want to change their ‘Old Pattern’ responses. But what’s an Old Pattern response? It’s the response, or ‘come back,’ we often use without thinking. When a partner, spouse, significant other, son, daughter, or co-worker says or does something that sets us off.

You know what I mean. I’m talking about ‘the issue.’ The one that causes frustration, anger, and intense emotions every time it comes into the conversation. Both parties know and recognize it in a moment’s instance. But the question is, ‘Why’? Why is it not resolved?. . . . to prove a point? To get back at the other person? To be ‘in control’?

This type of behavior is not part of a loving relationship. Whether in private or public, our responses often reflect our relationship health, both to us and to the outside world. Even worse, many justify their responses with statements like, “I’ve always been this way.” Really? That’s the way you acted when you first met? That’s what you said when you were dating? That’s how you behaved when you were courting?

I don’t think so.

The most manageable behavior to learn and practice is a “New Response.” Why?

Because no matter the situation, before we respond, before we react, before we ever say a word, we must have first had that thought—that exact thought in mind—that specific response.

We mentally register that response literally at the ‘speed of thought.’ Before we vocalize it, we act on it. We always have that thought first of how we will respond or react. We never respond by not first having had that thought, those words, those actions.

So, the next time your ‘issue’ comes up, before you respond or say anything, Stop! Mentally say to yourself, ‘Don’t demean,’ or ‘Respond respectfully.’ Then, answer with a ‘new response.’

Now, you may be asking, what should I say? What should my new response be? The answer is whatever your heart desires, as long as it’s not negative or harmful.

Join me next for Part 2 as I share this process using a ‘Moment’s Pause.’